


our compass needle standing still

by genresavvy



Category: World War Z (2013)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 22:37:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1112338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genresavvy/pseuds/genresavvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>gerry thinks over things as he waits for the disease to take effect</p>
            </blockquote>





	our compass needle standing still

Putting down the needle, Gerry sits down on the floor, taking a deep breath as he starts waiting for a half an hour or so to go by, enough time for the disease he just infected himself to start it's infection. 

There's a number of things he doesn't want to think about, like the possiblity that he chose the wrong disease or that his theory could be completely wrong or that he's never going to see his family again -- or, worse, that he no longer has a family to see. He wants to push those things out of his mind, focus on something else, but he's never been in the habit of lying to himself, and he's not going to start when he's possibly just killed himself. 

Maybe he should write a longer note, something for Segen or the scientists to give to his family if he doesn't make it. But what could he write? What could he possibly put on paper that could comfort his family after losing him to circumstances they thought he'd never be in again? How could anything he'd write on paper make up for the fact that he didn't keep his word that he was coming back?

On top of that, what can he tell them that they don't already know? If his job taught him anything, it was making sure he didn't have any regrets about not saying something. Karin knows that she's the love of his life. His daughters know that they mean the world to him. Tomas knows that he's not dead weight on his family. He almost wishes that there was something he needed to tell them, so he could focus on that instead of the fear.

He's been in dangerous situations before -- hell, there have been at least four times in the past few days when he thought that he was never going to see his family again, on top of all the times he was in danger when he was working for the UN. It's not exactly a new experience to him. But, before and even in the past few days, his family has always been safe, and that knowledge was enough to help him to stay calm in the worst situations. Sure, he was having a gun pointed at his head or being chased by zombies, but they were safe, and that was all that mattered.

In his time at the UN, he visited many refugee camps. He hid out in a few of them when the people he was writing about didn't want the information he'd uncovered to get out. The idea of Karin and the girls and Tommy being in one does not reassure him in the slightest. 

It's not Thierry's fault. Gerry doesn't blame the man -- in fact, he's sure that he probably tried his hardest to keep Karin and the kids on the ship -- but it's hard to not have even the slightest bit of ill feeling towards the voice that tells you that your wife and daughters and son (he pauses slightly at how easily the word comes to mind, but then, of course it does, Tommy is family now) were taken from safety to a place where things could easily go wrong. Especially when he's the same guy who saved him only so that he could be roped into doing the job that he quit for very good reasons again.

But, really, he can't be mad at Thierry. He can't even be mad at the man who blackmailed him into doing the job that he left because of how badly it affected him psychologically and emotionally. Humanity is on the brink. They needed his help, and he knows that it was desperation that made them force him into doing the job again, not cruelty or any hint of malice. Gerry knows that he's the best person for the job, and he does feel a degree of honor from the fact that of all the people they could have chosen, they went with him, even though he's not even an employee of the UN anymore.

He's never been a particularly selfish-centered man. The problems with his work had to reach extreme levels before he began to consider quitting his job, and even then, Karin had to talk him into it, to prove that it was what he needed. He understands the importance of what he's doing, the value of his sacrifice if that's what it comes to. He's not the type to be bitter, despite the horrible things he has seen, both in the past few days and in his years as an investigator for the UN. From the moment he was forced to agree to do his old job again, he knew that he would do the right thing, no matter the cost. 

He just prays that that cost didn't extend to his family.


End file.
